Things I’m Going to Put on My Face (For Science): Maybelline Provocalips

Things I'm Going to Put on My Face (For Science)


For my first trick, I will eat a chili dog while wearing this lipstick.

You think I’m kidding. Do I joke about hot dogs? (No.)

Last week I kicked off Things I’m Going to Put on My Face (For Science), which was met with more excitement than I thought it would. I mean, let’s be honest: Really all I’m doing is indulging in a bunch of cosmetics and telling you about them. But if that’s what you’re into, cool. I can get behind that. (Clearly I already have.)

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For the first session of TIGTPOMF, I selected the 14-hour, supposedly kiss-proof Maybelline Provocalips in Kiss Me You Fool. I tried to ignore the lack of punctuation in the name as I applied it, as well as any unsettling apocalyptic feelings the first half of the name generated.

I picked this one for a few reasons:

  • I have a few Maybelline 14-hour matte lipsticks that wear rather well
  • cute product design
  • Maybelline lipsticks smell nice

This, however, is a liquid lipstick with a sealer, so it doesn’t smell nice like a traditional creme lipstick would. The sealer is not a separately packaged product—it is on the opposite end of the tube of lip color. Think of it like a double-bladed light saber (and then stop, because we’re talking about lipstick and I don’t have time to entertain your Star Wars crap).

The lipstick itself applies well enough—you essentially paint it on your lips, it’s not too sticky or gloopy, and it dries fairly quickly. The sealer, on the other hand, looks like a tiny vat of Vaseline. And it feels like it. It took roughly 40 minutes for it to completely dry, but it was definitely kiss-proof, to J.’s astonishment (not so much to mine—modern cosmetics are often miracles in tiny tubes).

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Lip close-ups make me uncomfortable, so this is all you get. Ta-dah.

It left my lips glossier than I would have liked, but off we went to the mall to really test this sucker out. Four hours later, after a chili dog, an Orange Julius, and a nap, it had started to flake—much like paint. In a not-cute and definitely not 16-hour-wear way. I applied again, thinking I maybe I’d missed some spots with the sealer, and off we went again for birthday evening festivities.

After consuming three beers and a peanut-butter-pickle-bacon burger, the flaking was back.

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Unflattering picture of my face. For science.

And while I don’t anticipate gorging on chili dogs and burgers at my wedding (I mean, you never know), I’m not in love with this product. It’s an alright color, but the flaking is a big turn-off and the product doesn’t stay on anywhere near the 14 hours advertised. Overall, not bad for nearly $7, but let’s see what else is out there!

To be continued (in February)…


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