Fashion boots are cool. They make you feel powerful and important when you’re click-clacking from meeting to meeting. Who doesn’t love to feel intimidating and feared by men?
But there’s one kind of boot I don’t dig: brown knee-high boots. They fall into the category of trends I’m over and wish would die already. Now, I’m not talking about ankle booties—they’re an entirely different category of boots and I have absolutely nothing against wearing a pair of cute lil’ booties. It’s the tall brown ones I have beef with.
I’ll admit, I was a die-hard brown boot kinda girl for about two years during my unfortunate earth-tones-only phase (more on that in the future). But since I gave them up, I’ve noticed a few things.
Namely, most girls who wear said boots pair them with black leggings. And while I’m all about leggings, brown and black typically do not pair well together. I once saw a woman wearing brown boots, black leggings, and a navy blazer together. It was a trainwreck. It was the trifecta of colors no one should ever pair together. It was the prime example of a Pinterest-inspired outfit gone wrong.
Knee-high brown boots go hand in hand with Starbucks red cups, puffy vests, pearl statement necklaces, and boot cuffs (don’t even get me started) or socks that peek out “cutely” from your boots—all of which add up to what I’d describe as the Pinterest poster child.
Brown knee-high boots tell me your name is Brittany or Amber. You enjoy “adventures” and Instagramming latte art with inspirational captions. Brown knee-high boots tell me that you most likely blow up your spouse’s social media feed with public displays of unnecessary affection, wear Hunter rain boots when you’re not wearing your brown boots, and include yourself as a teammate when talking about your favorite football team (“We lost, but we sure put up a good fight.”). How do I know this? Your boots screamed it at me.
I don’t know. It’s all very basic-white-American-girl to me. Do you really want to wear an iteration of the exact outfit thousands of other women have worn every fall and winter for the past four years? Hasn’t four years been enough? Aren’t you tired of pumpkin spice lattes yet?
What’s the solution to this? I’m glad you asked. Put your ghastly brown knee-highs where they belong: in the back of your closet, next to your Uggs, and out of my sight. Opt for a pair of tall black boots instead.
Black, unlike brown, is an attractive color. It goes with everything. It can look professional, but it can also look badass. It gives off a more polished and in-charge vibe, and if the boots have a heel, even better. You go kick some ass, and don’t be afraid to look great while doing it!
What about the pumpkin spice latte? Unfortunately, I don’t think much can be done about that. But we can at least wear our black boots in solidarity and look fabulous as hell.